


i have been sleepwalking since i was fourteen.

by heartlckt



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Dream Team SMP Lore (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, and they're canon married so idk?, can be read as platonic or romantic as this is about smp characters :), not very canon compliant, song: nine (sleeping at last)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29762058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartlckt/pseuds/heartlckt
Summary: “No, seriously Tubbo. What if one day I sleepwalk and I don’t come back, or one day I wake up and forget who I am or everyone I care about?”“Then we wage war on gravity, simple as that. I’ll fight for you Ranboo.”Ranboo struggles with control over his life. Tubbo is there to pull him back. Based off of "Nine" by Sleeping at Last.
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smtih | Tubbo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 87





	i have been sleepwalking since i was fourteen.

**Author's Note:**

> can be read as platonic or romantic :) just don't be weird. however, I did base it off of the fact that they're husbands. so they're husbands, whether you choose to see it as plankton (platonic) or romantic. might be slightly ooc because i was really trying to work the song lyrics in.

In his own personal Garden of Eden, Ranboo lies with his eyes closed, Tubbos face flush against his chest. In the flower forest, they sit underneath the shade of one of the apple trees, the springtime guaranteeing the pink and white blossoms above their heads.

He’s thinking, thinking,  _ thinking _ … trying to remember what he did before this, where he went, what he was doing. He can’t remember.

“I can hear you thinking, Boo.” Tubbo says, gently rustling him out of his thoughts. “What’s on your mind?”

“Do you ever feel lost in your own life, Tubbo?”  
“Like you can’t get to where you want to be?”  
“No, not really. Moreso like… Who am I to understand any of this?” He asks.

There's a pregnant pause in the conversation as Tubbo stops to think. The wind rustles the grass beside them and up above, Ranboo hears the flutter of a hummingbird passing by.

“No, not really. What do you mean?” Tubbo questions.

“Sometimes I feel like I’ve been me for less than half my life.” Ranboo answers.

“I’m not sure I understand, Ranboo.”

“I just,” His ears droop as he shoves his face into his hands, struggling to explain. “I think I’ve been sleepwalking, for a couple months at least. I can’t control myself, I can’t even control myself! Not my mind or even my body.” 

A pause, again. Ranboo doesn’t really blame Tubbo, him and his issues are a lot to handle and he knows Tubbo has other issues to worry about. He doesn’t expect him to return with the words he does, thoughts laced with such kindness and compassion.

“Ranboo.” Tubbo speaks. “Listen to what I have to say. You are good. I don’t mean ‘good’ in the sense that I forgive you for something, because you’ve done nothing wrong. I mean good in the way that you are a _good_ person. Every part of you.” He taps Ranboo’s nose with his finger at that, causing Ranboo’s eyes to fly open and him to fall backwards into the grass and flowers in shock. It causes them both to laugh, a temporary relief from the conversation. “I mean it though, seriously.”  
The reassurance is nice, but Tubbo’s words can’t stop his brain from racing, continuing down the path it’s been on for a while.

“What if I forget you?” He finally asks, the words leaving his mouth and entering the atmosphere for the first time.

“Then you wake up and fall in love with me again, duh.” Tubbo laughs, as if this isn’t part of Ranboo’s biggest fear, what lies in the back of his mind and wake of his dreams.

“No, seriously Tubbo. What if one day I sleepwalk and I don’t come back, or one day I wake up and forget who I am or everyone I care about?”

“Then we wage war on gravity, simple as that. I’ll fight for you Ranboo.” That’s the part that shocks Ranboo. Tubbo, who wouldn’t even fight for himself, who accepted his fate so easily, wants to fight for him.

“I’m scared. I’m so scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared. I’m always scared.” He laughs quietly. “But you have me now. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I know you and Tommy don’t get along very well, but we can work on that. There’s still a future out there for you. For us, too.” These lines, delivered by virtually anyone else, probably would have led to some dramatic moment between the two, but given Tubbo being Tubbo and  _ not  _ someone else, the moment is interrupted by Tubbo headbutting Ranboo’s arm.

Ranboo yelps, rolling over in the flowers. “Tubbo!”

Tubbo dissolves into giggles next to him. “Sorry, oh my gosh. I forgot that’s not normal for you.”

“No, It’s not actually!” Ranboo chokes out, rubbing his sore arm. “Look!” he gasps, pointing at the flowers between them. “You made me crush the alliums!”

“I think you’ll live.” Tubbo says sarcastically, looking around at the flowers all around them. “Poor Ranboo can’t live knowing he’s hurt a flower.”

“I think my empathy might be the death of me.”  
“Because of the flowers? Or something else?” Tubbo asks, switching back into serious mode suddenly.

“Just everything I guess. I always try to see both sides, but it doesn’t work out. I always end up choosing a side. It’s like I can only see through other people’s eyes.”  
“Well that's just not true, because if you could see yourself through my eyes I guarantee you wouldn’t be thinking any of this.”

“I’m trying to have a depressing conversation about life here, asshole.”

Tubbo holds back another laugh.

“Moving on. I just don’t know where to go from here. Because you're right, I’m not alone anymore. But I feel like I lost so much time, and I don’t know how to get it back. Time travel doesn’t exist, so all that’s left for me is forgiveness. But I don’t know how to forgive myself or even start.”

Tubbo reaches out and intertwines his pinky with Ranboo’s. “I’ll help you. I’ll help you find yourself, and I promise when that happens, things will start to make sense again. It’ll be like a… like a chain reaction. Like dominos! You just have to let yourself feel things first.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Ranboo sighs and in his chest, he feels a flicker of hope. He hasn’t felt that in a long time. “You make me feel hopeful, Tubbo. Thank you.”

“To know and love ourselves and others well is the most difficult and meaningful work we’ll ever do.” Tubbo recites, plucking an allium from the grass and presenting it to Ranboo.

He blushes deeply, or at least as deeply as an enderman-hybrid can blush. at the flower offering and words. “Damn, where’d that come from, poetry boy?”  
“Oh god, not my words. It’s a quote, can’t remember from where though.”

“Ah.” Ranboo says, pulling Tubbo back towards him. “I’m tired again, come nap with me.” This time, Ranboo lays his head on Tubbo’s chest. This time, he thinks that maybe, little by little, he can start to feel alive again. This time, there’s hope in the air.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> did u like it . if u did comments are very kind :) <3


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